That They Die
As it happened, yesterday brought the inevitable. One of my "charges" died. I was called not to go in today because she no longer needed my care. I was devastated. There was no warning. She was in great enough health when I left her last Tuesday morning. We talked about my going to New Zealand, getting her hair done, sending mail to her children etc. We had a very nice normal morning. There was no indication at all that she was slowing down or ailing to the point where she would just die in the coming days.I was at a spiritual replenishment workshop yesterday and we were taking a break. I checked my phone and there was a message from my employer. I thought she was calling to ask me to take a last minute shift cuz she never calls on Saturdays. When I heard the message I just started saying out loud "no, no not yet. What? Oh no, unbelievable, There was no warning. I didn't even get to say goodbye."Now I have no job this morning. I won't be pulling on my black pants and wearing my black shoes this morning. I won't be getting into my car to make the 20 minute drive to her apartment. It feels weird not to work on a Sunday morning. It feels even weirder that some one I know isn't going to be around to say hello to me again. Weird. I've never had anyone in my family die, knock on wood, except for some very old grandmothers. I would speak to them once a month if that, sometimes only once a year. I was taking care of this woman twice a week. I've never had a friend die, knock on wood again. I don't know what it's like to lose someone you talk to everyday. It's weird.We talked a bit in my spiritual replenishment workshop about when people die and how it really is all part of a bigger picture, how it is all planned before you get here. I really believe that. Some people don't want to be in this world for a long time so they contract to die early, others later. It's devastating for sure but all part of the larger picture which we can't see. We can know about the larger picture but we can't see it's meaning until much later. We just have faith that it's there, I certainly do. My "charge" was 90+. It was just her time I guess. Goodbye Mrs. Gates, til we meet again.