Different Deaths, Different Feelings

I've had a long hiatus but am now ready to get back to blogging. So much has happened since I last sat down here. Right after my mother died right after Thanksgiving last year 2014 , my friend's daughter died just before Christmas. That was hairy. She died from an opioid addiction that she had been trying to manage for a about 6 years. That was intensely painful the way my mother's death was intensely emotional. For me it was both painful and emotional. I didn't know that she had been struggling with it for so long. Her mother wasn't apt to talk about it much. It came as a shock to me but not to her parents. My mother's death was expected and awaited. My friend's daughter's death was sudden yet expected. Another friend recently lost his daughter unexpectedly even though she had been suffering from depression. In the back of your mind you know she's suffering yet trying to manage the pain so there's  a glimmer of hope. At the same time you know it could be any day that she doesn't take her meds and then the day comes. Is it ever easy? To some it can be a relief which seems to soften the blow as with my mother. To some it can be a relief that the suffering from the addiction is over and so it softens the moment. The families are feeling that their suffering is over because they don't have to worry about their child any longer but also that a suffering for the child is over because they aren't struggling with their addiction any longer. There's an enormous amount of relief which can make it easier. But what about people who lose family in a car crash or an accident or from an acute medical condition. They go so quickly and unexpectedly. That has to sting for a looooong time. No preparation, it just wasn't expected. That has to be the worst. I do have a friend who lost a son that way. One day here and the next gone due to some stupid game, the choking game. That has to sting forever. Or dropping dead on a sports field... forever. My mother's death is now a memory. My friend seems to have moved on from her daughter's addiction related death. Sad that one of her three is gone, but thankful for the relief. I think she's in a bit of a zombie zone but managing. Balancing all of the emotions is tough and will take time but it will plateau. My friend who's son died from "the choking game" is still in the zombie zone even after 6-7 years but putting on a good face. You can feel when someone isn't all there. There does seem to be a difference in processing the different kinds of death.  I was hoping that my first blog back would be happier and informative but guess I had to get this off my chest. Too much pain, suffering and loss lately.

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